Fra ra ra ra ra, Ra ra ra ra

Tis the season, as it were, to be jolly... or at least not suicidally depressed. This past month has been nothing short of a whirlwind, thus the lack of posting. I find that I don't 'blog' as often unless I'm pretty happy because no one wants to read a downer blog. When I need to vent/talk/be listened to, I catch a friend on Facebook chat or send lengthy e-mails. Both I'm sure most of you can confirm. However, being that today is the day after Christmas and I intended to write a post on Christmas full of heart felt sentiment and longing for fields of white and hearths of orange, I just couldn't. My Christmas was spectacularly unspectacular.

In the few weeks proceeding Christmas I started to receive Christmas cards from students. I asked the other teachers if they had received cards as well, and a few had. At Christmas, the average I got from the other teachers was around 20 with a range of 4-28. As of the cards I received today, my total was around 78. I tried to count them but when they're everywhere, it was hard to do and I didn't care enough to spend much time stacking them up and getting an accurate count. On Christmas I had around 70, so many of them were displayed in my apartment on any dry flat surface. I had too many though, and those not directly related to Christmas were taken down to conserve space. (Sadly kids, this is the excitement of my life. Keep this in mind next time you rag on me about updating the blog) I put many of my favorites on my coffee table around my tree (Pic 1) Kathleen, the best life advisor one could ask for sent me what could only be described as Christmas in a box. Included were various presents, a few snacks (SUNCHIPS!!!!!- Harvest Cheddar), the Gannon University Walker of the Week statue from the Striders Program (I assume Nancy had something to do with that) a Christmas tree and a few notes from various Gannon administration wishing me a Merry Christmas.

On the day I received this package, I was what could only be described as 'on the edge'. The previous week I had spent meeting individually with every staff member in our office who had English skills proficient enough to tell me about the myriad of ways I was wrong/ culturally insensitive/ absolutely right/ taken advantage of/ putting my nose where it doesn't belong/ not understanding the 'real world'/ incorrectly assessing the situation and a litany of assertions I haven't heard in quite some time, if ever, which were at many times contradictory. All of this was while I've been in conversation with the owner of a rival company who has acted as a bit of a shinobi as of late. He is an American who talked in broad stroked about the problems facing many foreigners who come to China to teach ranging from the lack of cultural understanding classes and survival tips provided by companies (of which I have had none) to the general feeling of maltreatment, mistrust and dishonesty in Chinese companies (of which I have had plenty).

As a result of all of these factors, I sent an e-mail off too our Academic Director, Rick, asking him what our purpose is in the program as well as how we in any way measure effectiveness or progress. I then ranted a little about my dissatisfaction with the company and just for kicks CC'ed the big boss, Frank. One thing leads to another and I'm suddenly in the series of very long meetings that I described above. The details, causes and consequences of everyone's actions concerning these little events will be described in greater depth in a future post, I want to get back to how I spent my Christmas.

So, I received Kathleen's package at most possibly the perfect time. Having a tree and then presents under them helped me think of the brighter side of the holidays, all things considered. The index cards written by admin were especially touching. Fr. George's was expectantly vague yet loving, Arlene's contained an inside joke ("If you get bored, you can watch your favorite religion movie, 'Into Great Silence'" - how about them apples Brian) and Deacon Steve's was easily the funniest when we quipped 'Have you found God over there- maybe in the rice- LOL' In all, the reminded me that I have people back home that I may not talk to but who remember me and who I will remember. Most of whom I plan to e-mail as soon as I crack down and reply to mountain I have in my inbox.

As the week went on Christmas approached, the cards stacked and I received another package from the States. This one was from Grandma Morris who sent me a nice bundle of gifts as well as some cookies. All of which were perfect to get the day before Christmas. I added her gifts to the ones Kathleen had given me and made myself a nice little Christmas setup. That evening as I was getting ready to meet Ryan and his girlfriend for dinner I opened the bottle of wine I would probably be drinking on Christmas to have myself a glass or two as I got myself ready. I was slack jawed to find, upon first tasting, that what I thought was going to be Chardonnay was in fact the missing weapons of mass destruction from Iraq. To imply that this 'Chardonnay' tasted like Napalm would demean the good name of Napalm. I didn't know it, but the repulsion of that wine (Pic 2- provided as a warning to all my friends and loved ones) was pretty much par for the course for the evening. I was fifth wheel at a lackluster yet overpriced dinner which took place at a restaurant which refused to acknowledge the reservation they had made with us. After dinner I went to Bo Bo's Bar (little slice of heaven) to have a life saving night cap before returning home.

On Christmas, I woke up bright eyed, fully dressed and with visions of sugar plums dancing in my hang-over ridden head. I got into pajamas, took two aspirin and hit the reset button on the morning. Christmas morning 2.o was much better! (Pic 3) I had a cup of hot chocolate and a few cookies from Grandma then opened my presents. I received a variety of things, all of them cool. From Kathleen I received mostly toys which I understood her to mean for me to have some fun while I'm here and not work too much/take things too seriously. From Grandma Morris I received mostly clothes. She has been floating at a good 80% satisfaction rate for buying my clothing at Christmas and this year was no better or worst. She started out solid with some Family Guy pajama pants, fur lined slippers and a new freakin' argyle Cardigan (sweet!) but then had a questionable finish with nylon blended boxer shorts... I'm still uncertain as to what she was thinking with these. While fairly comfortable, there is, what can only be described as a.... showmanship... to them which makes me feel uneasy owning them, let alone receiving them from my Grandmother as a symbolic birthday present to honor the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. (Praise him!)

I then spent the entire rest of the day cleaning my bedroom, which is no bigger than a prison cell. It was one of those 'big cleans' when you move furniture and take out drawers to organize clothes and stuff- it was a little intense and took most of the day. After being turned down for dinner invitations from every person in my phone book (all 10 of them), I went to get some food alone. While I still had a very good Christmas and received much love and well wishes from people abroad, having a solitary dinner on Christmas (after spending the week teaching How the Grinch Stole Christmas and it's message of the importance of Christmas being together with loved ones) was a bit of a downer. On the way home however, I did pick up a bottle of Chianti and when I arrived in my apartment I continued the McFall Family Tradition with a toast to my father and Dr. Lecter. Afterwords, I watched A Christmas Story (I found it online!) and then went to bed after reading a bit of Hamlet.

That, in essence, was my Christmas abroad. Nothing much to speak of. I hope all of you had a Happy Holidays however, and I look forward to seeing the pictures on Facebook! Thanks again though to everyone who sent well wishes or more for the holidays, though solitary, I fear my day would have been downright rotten without them.

My apartment is freezing

So, I have been meaning to update the blog and have yet to get a chance. I guess I've been a little more busy than usual seeing as how the end of semester crunch time seems to be a world-wide effect. Our semester ends Dec 31st, but I also have off one day for Christmas, yippee! As such, this week I'm giving my final. It's a freaking cake walk for the kids too. I've definitely been teaching way above the books level and then I made the test on the books level and they've been having a breeze on it. In fact, this morning, I accidentally was asking my grade five class the questions from the grade six test and most of the students still knew the answers.

I will offer one defence for never updating the blog and it's that there is usually nothing to talk about. For example, this weekend I stayed in my apartment the entire weekend. Partly because I just wanted to kick back, listen to Christmas music and watch Weeds (I'm hooked!) but also because it was so freakin' cold. The high was 18 on Sunday and that seems generous. The thing is, I'm used to temperatures that low from living in Erie. However, what I'm not used to is the lack of insulation and airtight windows. While it wasn't too bad in most of my apartment, my kitchen windows did this neat thing where they froze shut. By froze shut I don't mean got a little ice in the seems and then was a little stuck. By froze shut I mean and half inch thick layer of ice formed over the entire window... on the inside! (Pic. 1) While cool, no pun intended, it was a little disturbing. When I asked a Chinese friend what to do, she said, 'Close your kitchen door'. Funny how a classic Jeff McFall solution appeared on the other side of the planet. When I woke up this morning the sun was shining and the freezing winds had subsided. In fact, when I woke up and felt the sunlight flooding in through my window, I thought, 'Awesome, now I can look out my kitchen windows... and mop the puddle on the floor..... wait a minute, sunshine?'

For those of you who remember, in order to get to Wanghai Primary School by 8, I need to wake up by 6... A second later my phone rang and it was the school asking me if everything was alright seeing as how my first class has started five minutes ago... without me. I told them I would be there is 30 minutes (which I knew was a lie as soon as I said it) and began to get ready. Oddly enough, I didn't run around like a crazy person getting ready, I sort of look my time. I mean, I didn't have my cup of tea or anything, but I certainly couldn't have cared less even though I knew I had effectively missed my first class and thus didn't give them their final. I get to see them next week, so it's no big deal really. The head teacher at Wanghai, who called me this morning, informed me in hushed tones (as if anyone could understand English anyway) that she had not informed my office or anyone else of my absence. I really didn't care, because it was an honest mistake (did one of those set the alarm for 6 PM rather than 6 AM idiotic mistakes) but if she wanted to keep it a secret, who am I to squeal.

I have other things to relate concerning the holidays. I have some pictures of the meager decorations I was able to produce for the season, most being cards from students, which I will include in the next post. I hope to get the holiday edition out Christmas day, which will be Christmas Eve stateside. In the meantime, I hope every one's holiday preparations are going off without a hitch, I expect cookies when I get home in July! Cheers.

Sanksgiwing

As I laid naked, spread eagle among my co-workers as a Chinese man rubbed my body with hot oil, I decided my attitude of 'I'll try almost anything once' may or may not have negative as well as positive ramifications. Before, I get into my traditional Thanksgiving, I should start at the beginning.

The main point of my teaching in the school system is to provide the students an opportunity to hear, question, and learn from a native English speaker. As such, most of my teaching centers around pronunciation rather than content. The regular teachers provide grammar and vocabulary lessons and I'm the barely trained talking English machine, which is daunting. However, my students are seemingly unable to pronounce two sounds 'th' and 'v'. Granted, I understand that 'th' is a rarely occurring sound in world languages but after three months of me correcting them with 'th' and 's' sounds, you'd think some progress would have been made. However, I digress, I should discuss my Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving has never been my favorite of the big holidays because it always seemed like rehearsal Christmas just on a cheaper scale. As such, my home sickness wasn't too bad for most of the holiday, until I had to tell all of my classes what we do on Thanksgiving. At the beginning of class, I asked my students what Americans do on Thanksgiving and in almost every class they proclaimed that we eat chicken, fruit and vegetables. OK, here's the problem. Their texts are written by British trained Chinese people. However, Chinese students want to learn about America, so the text book publishers accommodate by trying to teach about America. The problem naturally arises that the authors have never been to America and are teaching the children British English. Most of my classes are involved with correcting information or explaining unnecessarily difficult grammar into easier to understand American English. (e.g. asking 'Do you have...?' rather than 'Have you got any...?' to which the answer is 'Yes, I've got.' or 'No, I haven't.') Anwho, on Thursday my classes went well enough, even though it was at my least favorite school. Since I had a talk with the teachers though, things have been getting better at that school, which is a relief. Now, JieFang is almost my favorite school incidentally.

For lunch on Thursday, I always get a special meal made my the kitchen staff because the slop they serve is uneatable and one day I finally snapped and refused to eat breaded fish heads and cabbage soup. The principal, who has given herself the moniker of my 'Chinese mother', asked me to make a list of all the foods I like and all those I do not for the kitchen staff. I now usually have their interpretation of Western food, which is usually just stewed tomatoes mixed with something else. It sucks, but I can usually choke it down. Anywho, on Thursday I discovered that the principal herself is making my lunches now. Furthermore, that day she was going to show me how to make sushi. So, on Thanksgiving I learned how to make sushi from my Chinese mother, which was kind of fun. I didn't fish in my sushi, only vegetables wrapped in rice and seaweed which I think is technically something else but I don't care.

As we were making sushi, I talked with her in our mutual Chenglish and I told her about our Thanksgiving foods. When I got back to the English office, I learned she was throwing us a little Thanksgiving dinner party after my lessons that day. When I arrived in the English office, they other teachers and the principal were scurrying covering a few desks pushed together with a table cloth and laying out food. My Chinese mother looked on the internet to see what foods we ate and tried her best to accommodate. The spread included chicken breast (no turkey in China, though the Chinese words for turkey actually translates to field chicken), corn, taro rolls, bread and jam, grapes, apples (from America) and a fruit the name of which I do not know. It was actually kind of touching how much trouble they went to in order to make me feel like I was having a real Thanksgiving. I ate everything like a person who hadn't eaten in years and it was pretty good. They even sent all the left overs home with me, thus it really was like Thanksgiving.

The next day, I was back at JieFang for my afternoon classes and was invited to their monthly school sponsored outing. The last two times, I had Chinese classes or some other excuse, but since they went to so much trouble for me the day before, I figured I should suck it up and go with them to the bath house. I have been to a different private health spa here in China, this was really something different indeed.

After all the male teachers and I stripped down and got our shower, we went into the giant hot tub to stew. It was nice, but being in the middle of a giant room full of naked Chinese men while being naked myself left something to be desired. After a bit, we went into the two saunas. The one was a lesser temp but horribly humid while the other was a dry wooden one at a higher temp. I have to saw, awkward as it is, I had a good time in the saunas. Then came another shower and the exfoliating scrub....

I expected some sort of chemical wash or cleanser as an exfoliate. In China, the exfoliate they use is a big Chinese man named Wang with a rough towel wrapped around his hand. I laid naked on this table as did the other male teachers on their respective tables and began to be rubbed by Wang and his cheese grater towel. To say it was refreshing would be a misnomer, but it certainly was invigorating. After Wang gives you a giant Indian rug burn on your WHOLE body, we gets out the hot oil. As if it's not awkward enough hanging out naked with your co workers, nothing really bonds males together quite like laying next to each other with your legs over a Chinese guys shoulders while he rubs hot oil on your taint. In fact, besides Natalie I don't know any of my friends who have had Asian men rubbing oil on any part of their bodies.

After my oil rub down, we had another shower and then got some weird paper clothes on and went upstairs to meet up with our female co workers and my Chinese mother of course. We all had some tea and a chat before I had to leave for a company dinner. I told my co workers the name of the restaurant I was going to, who in turn told an attendant at the bath house and he got me cab and told the driver where to take me. I ate another Thanksgiving dinner, this one at a German brew house which was a (dare I say... buffet). Needless to say I didn't eat much, but certainly drank a few pints.

So, that was my Chinese Thanksgiving. Learning how to make sushi, eating chicken pretending to be turkey, having my body assaulted by an over zealous Chinese man and then pints of dark beer at a German brew house. In short, not a far cry from the first Thanksgiving encountered by our founders.

P.S. Liz, I just got the card today. It made me laugh my ass off! Yet again, the people in my office failed to grasp the humour. Chumps.